Let’s Learn About Four Pervy 3DS Games

Nintendo’s censorship policy has been famously heavy-handed since the late 1980’s, changing things like the spraying blood in Mortal Kombat to make games more family friendly. It’s a strategy that makes sense when you look at the company’s efforts to connect with younger gamers — Nintendo of America president Reggie Fils-Aime said that its 2DS handheld targets “very young kids: five, six, seven years old.” The 3DS handheld skews older, targeted at kids age seven and up.

So why are there so many pervy games available on the Nintendo 3DS?

(And should you be reading about them while you’re at work? Probably not!)

Senran Kagura Burst

In Senran Kagura Burstalmost all the characters have huge, unnatural-looking breasts, which they talk about often, and expose even more frequently” (according to the Destructoid review). It’s a side-scrolling 3DS brawler, and during the game, “you start each level wearing a standard school girl uniform” unless you opt have characters play in their underpants. You can also “cause your clothes to explode off and for a new, unique, stat-boosting outfit to form over your body.” So that’s a thing.

Picdun 2: Witch's Curse

Picdun 2: Witch’s Curse is a first-person dungeon crawler for the 3DS that pairs you with a female sidekick. Your three choices are an archer, who shoots monsters, a spellcaster, who uses magic, and “the Whipper.” That’s her name. And she whips things. I’m sure it’s very tasteful.

Amazones

Seisou no Amazones is a prison break RPG on the 3DS. It’s only available in Japan right now, but Famitsu rated it 30/40. In the game, you’re trying to find a spaceship to escape from a prison planet. Oh, it’s an all-girl prison planet. And when you beat other girls, you’re supposed to rub them with the 3DS touchscreen until they “release” a “factor.”  Sounds educational.

Toushin Toshi

Toushin Toshi is another Japan-only title for the 3DS, where you engage in a bunch of turn-based RPG battles in order to win a fighting tournament. A tournament where every contestant has to be partnered with a woman, and you’re supposed to date those women until they offer you a choice. Maybe that’s some kind of metaphor.

I’m left with one question: Since the 3DS is for kids who are seven, what do the games look like for fourteen-year-olds?

About B. Indifferent

Bitterly Indifferent is a belligerent hillbilly with a substandard internet connection. He is also a fan of retro gaming who has previously written about the state of games journalism and the intersection of games and family.