Finishing the Week: Issue 103

Welcome to the latest installment of Finishing the Week. It’s time for the DNF crew — along with a few random special guests — to get together and toss back a few brewskis while cracking wise at the latest and greatest news the video game industry has to offer. Click the links, enjoy the banter, and feel free to talk back in the comments section below.

GlowPuff: FIRST!

Donald: SECOND!

B. Indifferent: Hey guys, what did I miss– WAIT, I MEANT THIRD!

Tony: Nice work, GlowPuff! I’ve never seen such a determined look on your face. Now here’s that copy of Barbie: Jet, Set & Style I promised the race winner. Don’t worry, Donald, you’ll get ‘em next time, Kiddo!

Now on to the news!!

8-25-1 ghostsU

Nintendo Approves this Message

Summary: Activision couldn’t announce the Wii U version of Call of Duty: Ghosts back when the game was originally revealed for one simple reason — they had to wait for Nintendo’s “approval”.

Source: My Nintendo News

Donald: Wow, Nintendo, It would be a real bummer if you announced that you would be getting an exciting title at the same time as the other consoles. That might generate buzz. Wouldn’t want that, would we Reggie?

Reggie: PLAY. THE. GAME.

B. Indifferent: They were waiting on Nintendo? Riiiight. This was just an attempt to put some distance between Bobby Kotick’s remarks about never supporting the Wii U and an announcement about releasing a game for the Wii U.

B. Kotick: Hey, we still haven’t said we’re supporting the Wii U! I mean, have you played Call of Duty: Ghosts?

GlowPuff: This is a bad idea. They should bring Mattrick over from Zynga to run Nintendo.

D. Mattrick: But Zynga is still standing, and I still haven’t reached my goal of quadupling the company’s hate mail. There’s plenty left to accomplish before I jump ship again.

Reggie: Don! Buddy! Hey, thanks again for all that hard work you put in with the Xbox One! Your departure and Microsoft’s subsequent reversal of all your mistakes made the Wii U’s continued failings second page news there for a couple of weeks.

8-25-2 origin

Origin of a Refund

Summary: EA’s digital game distribution service, Origin, has started offering refunds to disappointed game buyers… provided consumers have correctly followed a laundry list of rules.

Source: Origin

GlowPuff: EA did something… right… for customers? Mind. Blown.

Donald: Get you mind back together man. I decided to investigate and found this: EA has established many hoops to jump through, and you get your refund (upon approval) 10 days later.

B. Indifferent: This is like those insurance plans that offer to pay your credit card bills if you lose your income? There’s never been a better time to hate online game distribution.

G. Newell: I’d just like to point out that Steam offers instant refunds! You know, in the refund program that we vowed would never see the light of day.

Tony: Hey guys, I have a great idea. Let’s all buy Dead Space 3 and co-operatively click the “request a refund” link!

8-25-3 wonderful75

The Wonderful 7.4

Summary: The Wii U exclusive Wonderful 101 recently released to mostly positive reviews. Unfortunately, they weren’t positive enough and Platinum Games’ Hideki Kamiya has taken to Twitter to voice his opinion.

Source: Kotaku

Donald: This is a dangerous path to walk. Look how it turned out for Dennis.

GlowPuff: 7.4?  That’s not even a C+.

Donald: I have to agree, scores are stupid. But it’s the devil people know.

B. Indifferent: Hey, remember when I said this was Japan’s version of Daikatana 2.0? Yeah, I’m still saying that.

Donald: A while back DNF dropped review scores. So, Mr.Kamiya, send us a copy, we won’t give it a score.

Tony: So, did you drop review scores on the website before or after we gave Duke Nukem Forever a Poop Helmet out of 5 in our co-op review?

Donald: Before. The Poop Helmet fit, so I let it slide.

8-25-4 kinect

Xbox Always One With Kinect

Summary: Microsoft vows Xbox One will ALWAYS be packaged with Kinect… tracking.

Source: CNET

Donald: The obvious joke is the list the things about the Xbox One they said would never change. But that list is long, and I am too lazy to commit to the joke.

GlowPuff: GlowPuff says Glowpuff will never buy an XBone with a Kinect. 

Donald: I just have no will to buy something I don’t think I will use. If there was a great argument for why I should own it, sure. Don’t bring that “it automatically logs you in” bull, because… who cares.

B. Indifferent: I stopped reading the headline after “Microsoft Says Xbox One Will Never Sell,” and it still sounds accurate.

Tony: You guys are making a mountain out of a molehill. Microsoft saying Kinect will always be bundled with the Xbox One is much like that time I vowed to never get blackout drunk and puke all over myself ever again. I for one, can’t wait to pick up the $400 Xbox One sans connect at launch!

8-25-5 guns bad

You Can Take My Gun When You Pry It From My Cold Virtual Hands

Summary: Politicians want video game makers to stop making “nefarious” deals with gun manufacturers to allow real world guns in killing simulators like Call of Duty.

Source: IGN

GlowPuff: In related news — politicians ask car game designers to end nefarious deals with car makers.

Tony: In other related news — Kazunori Yamauchi just had a heart attack after realizing he failed his life goal of including 3,000 “different” versions of the Nissan Skyline into one single release of Gran Turismo.

Donald: United States Government spending is out of control, but they have time for this? I’m not voting next election. It’s a waste of my time at this point.

Tony: And I’m too busy wasting all my time playing  video games to realize how ironic that statement truly is.

8-25-6 beyond death

The Neverending Story

Summary: Beyond: Two Souls creator, David Cage, explains how story never ends and why there is no “game over” screen. 

Source: Joystiq

Donald: From everything I have seen and read about this game I am in a massive state of confusion. I am so confused that I am going play it. Not because I want to, but because I just want to know what this thing is.

Tony: I can already hear thousands of self-appointed video game critics firing up their word processors to write 3,000-word essays on “the meaning of death” and how this game “subverts that paradigm.” They can recycle their failed psych 101 term papers, and Beyond: Two Souls gets piles of free publicity. Congratulations, David Cage, on negotiating a win-win deal that punishes the rest of the internet.

B. Indifferent: What was that? I couldn’t hear you over the sound of my computer starting up. This game gives me an idea for a new article that’s going to be amazing.

Tony: And I’m left trying to figure out what is going to put me to sleep faster… Bitterly’s 3,000 word diatribe, or — if it’s anything like Heavy Rain — the opening sequence of Beyond: Two Souls. Wait… I just started falling asleep thinking about Heavy Rain. Time for a nap. We’ll see you all next week!

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About Tony Lorenzen

Tony Lorenzen, a.k.a. the Midnite Rambler, may just be a bad enough dude to rescue the president... but he's still no Snake Plissken.