Trailer Trash: The Greatest Night Ever

Rambler

Trailer Trash: The Greatest Night Ever
trailertrashsmallWhen: Thursday, May 9, 7:30 & 10 p.m. showtimes

Hosted by: Chris Grap, Tim Alan Holly & Tim Kelly

Tickets: $7 – check the Theaters at Mall of America Special Events Page  for purchase and event info

Any self-respecting film geek will admit that movie trailers can be pretty darn great. The problem is that modern-day trailers vary from downright unwatchable to face-meltingly awesome, depending on the producer. They can ruin a movie’s best jokes or spoil important plot twists.

Most of today’s previews follow specific templates, depending on a film’s genre — or the genre that the marketing department thinks is most likely to draw a paying audience. Decades worth of data and consumer spending analysis have helped marketing firms distill the entire process of movie advertisement down to a clinical science. Modern day trailers think they know how to pull all the right strings, but most have become hollow shells in the process.

I'm Tom Cruise. I command you to buy a ticket to my movie now.

I’m Tom Cruise. I command you to buy a ticket to my movie now.

This targeted, sterile precision was not always so. There are those among us old enough to remember the Golden Age of a fledgling art form known as the movie trailer. Back in the 60′s, 70′s, and even early 80′s, the medium of film was busy cementing itself into popular consciousness. During that time, the people in charge of directing hungry viewers to new and exciting experiences at the local cineplex were slowly honing their craft.

Does this mask make me look fat?

Does this mask make me look fat?

These were magical times. Simpler times. Good was Good, Evil was Evil, and fashion was absolutely atrocious. (It was clear that the people running the show were high on something other than life.) As a result, movie trailers were a bit more… well, let’s call it convoluted. Some movie previews were so confusing and random that they actually needed narration.

You're gonna need a bigger voice over.

You’re gonna need a bigger voice over.

That’s where Movie Trailer Voice Over Guy came in. He literally held mankind’s hand on a journey deep into the heart of every cracked out, indescribably insane movie trailer throughout nearly three decades of film. Drama, comedy, horror, action… it didn’t matter. Each trip down the rabbit hole was absolutely, infinitely unique. You never knew where Movie Trailer Voice Over Guy and his decisively commanding voice were going to take you, but you knew that things were about to get Epic.

Things might have just gotten a little too Epic.

Things might have just gotten a little too Epic.

On that note, I invite you all to what has been described as “Trailer Trash — The Greatest Night Ever.” Having caught a brief preview of what is in store, I have no logical reason to disagree with that description. Even the Arc of the Covenant will not be able to melt the smile off your face.

If you don’t believe that this will be the greatest thing ever, I dare you to prove me wrong. The first two readers to email DNF’s venerable editor-in-chief, donald@did-not-finish.com, with the subject line “I want to go to Trailer Trash” will each have a pair of tickets waiting for them at the Theaters at Mall of America box office.

And if that’s not enough, here is one of the best Golden Age trailers of all time to whet your appetite!


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About Tony Lorenzen

Tony Lorenzen, a.k.a. the Midnite Rambler, may just be a bad enough dude to rescue the president... but he's still no Snake Plissken.