Welcome to the latest installment of Finishing the Week. It’s time for the DNF crew — along with a few random special guests – to get together and toss back a few brewskis while cracking wise at the latest and greatest news the video game industry has to offer. Click the links, enjoy the banter, and feel free to talk back in the comments section below.
M. Rambler: I see news stories.
D.Conrad: Hoola Hoops are evil!
Brad: Happy 40th birthday Atari! You’re old!
B. Indifferent: 40th? About time I go get one!
GlowPuff: No, *I* am evil.
Summary: Wii U will be underpowered (again) compared to other next-gen systems.
B. Indifferent: I guess that if they scale back expectations now, they won’t have to re-release it with an apology and a massive discount later.
GlowPuff: My expectations are scaled back so much, I don’t even want to see it come to market.
M. Rambler: One thing they won’t have to do for the Wii U… release a strap on peripheral that will make their already huge controller even huger, because for some reason they decided to give it dual control sticks from the start instead of going with the far superior single control stick/gyroscope combo found on the 3DS and 3DS XL.
GlowPuff: That’s what you call forward thinking…in reverse.
Brad: Hardcore Nintendo fans will argue that they don’t care if the other consoles have prettier graphics, as long as they get good games. But the problem here is that, because this system isn’t as powerful, third party publishers won’t be able to release multi-platform games for it without making extensive changes specific to the Wii U version. And those will probably be too expensive to make it worthwhile. That’s a moot point, though – since the Wii U has an insane, gigantic controller designed by and for a newfound species of squid-people, third party publishers aren’t going to be able to release multi-platform games for it without making a bunch of changes for it anyway.
Bottom line, most Wii U games are probably going to be exclusive to that system. Which means they’re either going to be made by Nintendo, or by 3rd party publishers who aren’t going to be willing to dedicate a big budget to a game that’s only going to reach a fraction of the market. Get ready for a lot of games featuring Mario doing things and probably Anubis 3.
D.Conrad: Will someone please tell me what a Wii U is!!
GlowPuff: Wii U? Sounds like a University, but I could be wrong.
Summary: There will be Wii U announcements made at the upcoming EA Sports Open House.
GlowPuff: A football game might be fun on this thing. Maybe?
J. Madden: No, unfortunately, we haven’t made a fun football game in years.
M. Rambler: Football schmutball. Basketball is going to ROCK! Seriously, think about it. The controller is full of motion control sensor gimmickry and it’s also the same size as a basketball… finally the first console basketball game with 1:1 virtual shooting dynamics.
D.Conrad: Wait! It’s a sports game simulator? Also, what is EA Sports? Are they like EA Games? The Wii U is so confusing!
Summary: Capcom gets set to open Biohazard Cafe & Grill S.T.A.R.S. restaurant in Shibuya, Japan featuring themed food items and dance performances from Dance Team S.T.A.R.S. Angelique.
Brad: According to the article, it will only be open for one year. Maybe it’s just me, but a Resident Evil cafe staying open for an entire year seems hopelessly optimistic.
B. Indifferent: Hmm, “Biohazard Cafe”? I’m not going to be in any great rush to eat there, even if it does sound like mom’s home cooking.
GlowPuff: It’ll flop by the end of the year. That’s why it was proudly announced to only be open for one year. That way they can shut it down and say, “That was planned! It wasn’t because it failed.” Then I found this, and now I definitely will not be dining there.
D.Conrad: Will they serve a Jill Sandwich?
GlowPuff: Not the kind of Jill Sandwich I’m imagining, unfortunately.
M. Rambler: I’m just glad Capcom stole a page from the Star Wars Kinect Galactic Dance Off mode by including Dance Team S.T.A.R.S. Angelique… is that a thing or did I miss an alternate ending in one of the Resident Evil games?
Summary: Blizzard has crippled Diablo 3 so that players use real money in their auction house. In response, players are finding other games to play.
Brad: I couldn’t help but notice that the article has about a dozen links to other articles on the site that were all about why people either shouldn’t, or aren’t, playing Diablo 3. I don’t want to make accusations of bias, but did Blizzard delete all these writers’ WoW accounts or something?
D.Conrad: I know a guy who was so into Diablo 3 when it came out. He is now so down on it. I feel kinda bad for him. It seems every move Blizzard makes is to force him into the Real Money Auction House to buy equipment. Basically, Activision has turned Diablo 3 into the most advanced Facebook game ever!
GlowPuff: I play D3 almost every night. I have 2 toons in Inferno mode, one of which I’m really focusing on, and I’m not having a bad time with it. I have nice gear that I’ve either found or bid for in the normal Gold Auction House. That said, I’m totally against the RMAH. Since D3 is free to play, it almost makes one think the RMAH is Blizzard’s answer to a “monthly fee”. A fee they are collecting on 24 hours a day.
M. Rambler: I feel bad for Blizzard. All this bad press must be making things difficult for them. It’s hard out here for a pimp.
Summary: The Expendables gets a movie game tie in. It doesn’t look crappy!
D.Conrad: I am going to hold out hope for this one. Since the first movie was so over the top and ridiculous all they really have to do is make everything EXPLODE gloriously. Meet that standard and I am happy.
B. Indifferent: Stop the presses! You mean that rumor from a few weeks ago came TRUE? Oh my god, I may have to re-think my stance on discussing yet-to-be-released games.
Brad: Check out the 1:02 mark of the top video, where some other IGN staffer nearly barges into the room before realizing there was a guy filming something in there. I imagine these kind of incidents happen a lot when you film your web videos in the office storage closet.
GlowPuff: Yes, this kind of thing also happens to me when I’m “filming things”. I’m a big fan of Expendables, so I’m hoping this game is worthy.
M. Rambler: Yeah, that guy about to barge in totally should’ve owned it like a Boss.
Summary: Face-meltingly awesome pictures of traditional Japanese prints based on video games.
B. Indifferent: Holy crap, somebody from art school who spent way too much time playing video games actually created something interesting?
Brad: Wow, nice work, guys – I didn’t think it was possible to make Pokemon not look lame, but you’ve totally nailed it.
D.Conrad: If the new Zelda game looks like that image of Link, the Wii U is a day one purchase for me. By day one I do mean the day that Zelda game comes out.
M. Rambler: Good point, Donald, I believe Nintendo is thinking about widening their initial Launch Window plans another year to accommodate the release of this new Zelda game. I’d put your waiting pants on, buddy.
Summary: Former Sony Computer Entertainment President (and current Sony Corp President/CEO) Kaz Hirai, gets a custom built PS3 as a going away present.
Source: Game Informer via Twitter
Brad: Looks like somebody should have held out another year before stepping down.
D.Conrad: Think of all those people who got gold watches. Bet they are just seething with rage that Kaz got a custom system that he knows will be obsolete by next E3.
GlowPuff: He said it’s not for sale. When he’s hard up for cash, it will be for sale. Check eBay regularly.
M. Rambler: No, go ahead and check eBay tomorrow. I just “custom built” my own PS3 to look like Kaz’s. Just a little white paint and a glued on piece of red cardboard. Viola!! Starting bid is $10,000.
Summary: Nintendo indicated that the upcoming 3DS will also be getting its own dual stick via a Circle Pad Pro XL add on.
Brad: Hey, if we all don’t care hard enough, will the 3DS XL disappear?
D.Conrad: Great job guys! Way to not add that second analog stick. Oh look! An add on that fixes that problem! But now in XL size. I vote we try Brad’s advice.
GlowPuff: I don’t get it. It’s obvious this is a wanted feature. Why don’t they build it into the device this time???
M. Rambler: The answer is simple. If you build it, they will come… and buy it.
Summary: Square Enix CEO Yoichi Wada indicates Final Fantasy VII until a new Final Fantasy entry exceeds it in quality.
Brad: This is a weird strategy – announcing you’re not going to do the remake everyone wants until your current games stop sucking. Is it a trick to get us to all lie about how much we like FF XV when it comes out?
D.Conrad: I don’t understand this, maybe it’s because I played FF pre VII, but I don’t care about a remake. What’s funny is that there is a higher bar for them to jump but they ignored it. Top the quality of FFIV and no one will ask for a VII remake ever again.
Brad: Also, if they are going to do a remake, they might want to get on that before people get sick of FF7’s “pick fight off a menu” gameplay… oh wait, they’re already about 10 years too late for that.
GlowPuff: When a game series gets more than 3 sequels, I stop playing them.
M. Rambler: Oh yeah, well I stop playing once a game gets more than 3 threequels. So, basically I never stop playing anything.
Summary: Naughty Dog’s Neil Druckmann comments that the multiplayer suite for Last of Us will not feature a co-op campaign option.
Source: Gaming Examiner
D.Conrad: After all the heartbreak I have experienced watching Dead Space 3 coming apart at its seams, this news makes me so happy.
GlowPuff: We can only hope they start distinguishing reason from madness, and include a co-op mode.
D.Conrad: GlowPuff, I am about to flip this table and see if my boots can co-op kick you to death..
M. Rambler: Co-op butt kicking? So does that mean I can drop in and control your other boot, then drop out when my leg gets tired?
Brad: I’m really hoping this game is good so that Naughty Dog gets around to doing that Rings of Power remake I’ve been hoping for.
M. Rambler: That it, enough talking. Now that Dawnguard for Skyrim finally released I have more important things to do. Oh, wait, that’s right, I was stupid and bought the PS3 version. Well, I still have more important things to do, like play non-Dawnguard Skyrim in preparation for Dawnguard.
D.Conrad: Okay, I guess I will start. Rambler, this is a safe place, and everyone here cares for you.
GlowPuff: Wait! Dawngaurd is out? I..Just remembered something that has nothing to do with Dawngaurd.
Brad: Wait GlowPuff I will go with you.
B. Indifferent: I am going to go play my new Atari!
M.Rambler: So.. Can I go play Skyrim?
D.Conrad: I guess..
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