Unsolicited Rant – Prometheus Trailer

I am mad, really, really mad! I am mad at the Avengers, I am mad at Ridley Scott and I am mad at who ever edited the Prometheus Trailer. Why? Because he ruined the entire movie for me. You may not believe me so I am going to show you why he ruined it. Seeing how this is just my opinion on how the movie is going to go there may or may not be accidental spoilers involved here. I am fairly positive I am correct in my dissection of the trailer. So, read on at your own risk.


We found some symbols!

We, humans, have found several instances of some sort of symbols. When combined they draw some sort of map to an alien world. What are we to do?

Let’s go there!

We pack up our bags and put them in the best space ship the human race has. Prometheus! Off we go to the planet that the map leads us to. That seems legit.

Check out our rides!

Our hero’s decided to get their James Cameron on and get into Aliens looking vehicles. This makes not being an alien movie look more like you are an alien movie. Now that we have sweet rides lets go look for the people who left the symbols on Earth.

Here they are.

They find the race or people or prop masters who left the symbols. That is pretty lucky! Nothing could go wrong here. Right?

Okay, that is kind of ominous.

So, this room is not a great room. It kind of reminds me of another room in a different movie. One that I am not mad at. Anyway, I am sure nothing could go bad here.

There are no Aliens in this movie.

OH HOLY CRAP! THAT IS NOT GOOD. I knew that they were going to the ship from Alien, and here they are. The decor needs some work. Anyway, I am still sure things are not going to go bad.

Found it!

Now we use holograms to show our intrepid explorers the ship from Alien. Wait a moment, why is the Prometheus so much more advanced than the Nostromo or the Sulaco? That seems weird. Oh well, let’s just blow over that point. I hope that “Alien” ship doesn’t launch..

This looks like…Earth?

The alien ship not full of “Aliens” is headed to Earth? But, our crew just came from Earth. Well, as long as it doesn’t have a pilot we are okay.

Oh..As long as he doesnt start killing people.

OH MAN!

As long as he doesn’t get in the pilots seat we will be fine.

OH MAN! OH MAN!

Okay, we will be fine as long as one of the humans doesn’t turn on his fellow man.

OH MAN! OH MAN! OH MAN!

OKAY! As long as he doesn’t start locking doors.

OH COME ON! That is a shot right from Alien!

Now, we have no hope. The alien is going to Earth, and there is nothing we can do. We could fly the Prometheus into the Alien ship.

Done and Done.

The alien ship should crash.

Gravity saves humanity.

That is the crash we needed.

That is it. That is how a trailer made me not care about this movie. Here is a list of things I did not know about it before I saw this:
-There were symbols that led them to the planet.
-There are little bugs.
-The alien pilot is a human killer.
-The alien ship’s target was earth.
-The Prometheus rams the alien ship.

No matter how many “WOOOOP” sounds you throw at me Mr.Scott I cannot un-see the entire plot of the movie. What? You couldn’t wait until I got in the theater to let me watch the movie? You had to condense it into the visual equivalent of a tweet? Are we now at the point in our ADD culture that we can’t just wait to see what is in the movie? We have to see the entire movie in a 2 minute and 32 second trailer? Will there be more plot and dialogue? Yes. Will it be good? Probably. Will it fix the fact that the trailer took all the mystery out of this movie for me? NO. So, not to spoil the ending Mr.Scott, but I am going to keep my money in my wallet.

Now, if you will excuse me, I am going to actively avoid the Batman trailer.

About Donald Conrad

Donald Conrad is an avid father and a dedicated gamer -- or maybe that's the other way around. He loves his games, and he loves his family, and he's pretty sure he loves sleep, even if he doesn't remember what it was like. Follow his life confusion on Twitter @ConManEd