Finishing the Week: Issue 25

Welcome to the latest installment of Finishing the Week. It’s time for the DNF crew — along with a few random special guests — to get together and toss back a few brewskis while cracking wise at the latest and greatest news the video game industry has to offer. Click the links, enjoy the banter, and feel free to talk back in the comments section below.

M. Rambler: Welcome to Finishing the Week’s prestigous 25th anniversary. To honor this momentous occasion, I went online and bought you all copies of Silver for the Sega Dreamcast. You still all have working Dreamcasts, right? I didn’t buy one for myself, because I already own it. Anyway, I didn’t get away with a lot of gaming this week, just a few bouts with Block Zombies on the Xbox and I also downloaded the Kinectstravaganza that is Double Fine’s Happy Action Theater. It’s not a game per se, but merely another tech demo to watch yourself act like an idiot live on your own TV! Donald, have you beat Silver yet?

D.Conrad: I have not beat Silver and I do have a working Dreamcast, so hand it over! I have had a fascinating week of gaming. I am trying to finish up a few Xbox Live Independent games for review. Two of three done, the third? Well, it’s a review you are going to want to come back for. It will contain a FIRST EVER for Did Not Finish. I did do a no-no and took apart my Xbox. It’s okay since the warranty on it expired four years ago. I thought I needed a new fan and DVD drive. I came to learn when you blow those bad boys out with compressed air through the grates it’s not too effective. You need to do it from the inside. It now works GREAT. The way it is designed inside makes externally blowing it out next to impossible. I’m pretty sure many original Xbox 360’s were traded or thrown away because people thought they were dying. All they needed was the heat sinks blown off. My wife also got me the Wii component cables. Glorious 480p here I come! Now I just need to borrow your copy of Skyward Sword… By “borrow” I mean give it to me for boss appreciation day, lets say that day it today.

M. Rambler: No, you have my copy of Skyrim Sword when you pry it from my cold dead hands. Hopefully I’ll have it beat by then. Also, how are you able to type all this out after having your eyeballs melted into piles of goo after witnessing all that is the Nintendo Wii in 480p? Also, I think it’s time for an intervention. Just beacause you fixed one thing by taking it apart and blowing on it, doesn’t mean you can fix everything that way. My iPhone was working just fine before you got your hands on it. Bitterly, have you learned anything new this week?

B. Indifferent: This week, I was dragged kicking and screaming into the current decade as I was forced to abandon Internet Explorer in favor of a web browser that was actually, you know, supported by more than two websites. I haven’t chosen a favorite between Chrome and Firefox, but neither one seems much faster since I have to pause and give the finger to every website that won’t load properly using IE (and these days, that’s pretty much every website worth visiting).

D.Conrad: Welcome to Chrome Bitterly.

M. Rambler: So I’m an idiot who buys children’s games for the Kinect, Donald’s a mechanic, and Bitterly hung up his Explorer’s cap. GlowPuff, have you finally taught yourself to play the piano so you can try lifting it over your head while playing it?

GlowPuff: Not yet, but I decided to play Russian Roulette with my identity this week. See, I’m really into the RC choppers now. That little choppa I demo’d last week has been great for when I take short breaks from coding. Alas, it’s a bit slow and not very agile, since it’s a coaxial chopper. I’ve even modified it so it flies faster than its stock speed. I’m getting better at flying, so naturally I am outgrowing it’s capabilities. So what does this have to do with playing roulette, you ask? I bought a new single rotor chopper from a Chinese website. Long story short – not every brand of chopper is carried in the US directly. Sure, the top (read: expensive) brands are carried here, but a lot of the affordable choppers have to be purchased from Hong Kong directly. I know, it’s weird. Anyways, I got a new chopper coming in the mail from China. Well maybe I was exaggerating on losing my identity – I paid with PayPal. So I should be Ok. Right? …

M. Rambler: I have an idea, GlowPuff. Give me all your money right now. That way at least someone you know will be enjoying all your fat stacks of cash and not some random identity theif from Hong Kong.

GlowPuff: Crap, too late. But I’ve got good news elsewhere. A little boasting is in order. Guess who made it into the Diablo 3 BETA? Yes, me, that’s who. So my limited gaming this week was constrained to that, and some Battlefield 3. I’ll probably go into the Diablo 3 beta more in next week’s FTW, but let me just say this: the Witch Doctor class is horrible. Epic fail.

M. Rambler: Sad news indeed. Now let’s get on to some more sad news with the first of this week’s hot stories.

Number 5 is alive again and set to take a giant Number 2 at your local cineplex soon

GlowPuff: Nice, another rehash of a great movie. Complete with high tech CGI robots battling each other. Wait, didn’t that already come out a few months ago in a movie called Real Steel?

D.Conrad: When the term Re-Boot comes up I usually find my fist flying uncontrollably at my computer screen. But this time I was forced to grin like a dope. I cannot wait to take my kids to see Short Circuit. Even it it is so full of suck that it hurts! I loved this movie! I am sure if I go back and watch it the memory of it’s greatness will outweigh the actual product.

M. Rambler: So the picture in that article was from Short Circuit 2? I don’t remember him joining the Village People in that movie. I thought that was Short Circuit 3: Direct to Video.

Duty calls Infinity Ward to next-gen hardware

B. Indifferent: A news story based on a job listing? Honestly, some of this reporting makes gossip columns look like peer-reviewed research papers.

GlowPuff: I’m not surprised. Why stop the money train now??? I know, another article based on a job listing. You know how many articles based on a job listing I read last year? Too many.

M. Rambler: Yeah, articles for job listings crossed the line when I read Donald’s latest post about a job listing for a new Senior News Anchor for Did Not Finish.

D.Conrad: What? I was pretty sure Activision was going to say “You know what? Screw billions of dollars, When the PS4 and NextBox come out let’s just get rid of Call of Duty. Now lets play some Battlefield 3!!”

Sony set to pull up the rear in next-gen hardware race

D.Conrad: I hate to admit it, but last gen I was a little bit of an Xbox fan boy. I know SHAME ON ME! I laughed as the Playstation 3 had to walk the long hard road of “It costs what?”. But, let’s face it, the PS3 is freaking awesome. So, any time Sony is ready to place the Playstation 4 on store shelves, I am ready to hand over my money.

B. Indifferent: It would be nice if Sony used some of that extra time to actually, you know, figure out what people were willing to pay for. Remember that line of exclusive PS3 luxury items that they unveiled as part of their “we’re going to cater to crazy rich people now, which is why our console is going to be way more expensive than its peers” strategy? I wonder how that worked for them.

M. Rambler: I suggest you wait to read the next article before you decide to rail on Sony’s impecable business acumen.

GlowPuff: I got the PlayStation toilet seat. It’s worth a small fortune now on eBay. #winning

D.Conrad: Not after what you did to it last week GlowPuff. I had to take a loan out to pay that plumber!

Wait, will Sony be around to release a next-gen console at all?

B. Indifferent: Does this mean I’ll be able to pick up some of those Sony wine glasses at fire sale prices? Honestly, it could be worse for Sony. It’s not like they’re trying to figure out what to do with 1.4 million unsold games. I don’t think anyone should count Sony out yet, since people said that Nintendo had no future after the N64, and…

D.Conrad: To be fair Bitterly the Wii did sell Sixty Bajillion units. Sure there are only two and a half games that people consider games on it, but that is besides the point! I am sure the S1024 will be way better than the N64.

GlowPuff: And with that announcement, my priceless PlayStation toilet seat just plummeted in value. #losing

D.Conrad: Holy Crap I need to get on eBay, I think I was winning that auction…

Naughty Dog set to terrorize Pittsburgh

B. Indifferent: This is that game about the mushroom zombies, right? If I wanted to fight mushroom zombies, I’d go back to the original super Mario brothers.

GlowPuff: I’m so glad I got myself a PS3. This game is going to be awesome. A zombie-based platformer similar to Mario Bros.? Hmm, very interesting. I will have to write that one down.

M. Rambler: GlowPuff, just be sure you don’t kill any Tanooki in this new game of yours. Wouldn’t want PETA knocking on your door.

D.Conrad: First, I refuse to read this story, second I am mad that I now know it’s Pittsburgh and third, you throw a Portal gun into your Zombie Mario game and I am a day one purchaser!

Insomniac is too busy keeping busy to sleep

GlowPuff: Outernauts, Astronauts, Overstrike… I’m not familiar with any of these. And if I haven’t heard of them, then NO one has!

D.Conrad: Bitterly once landed us an exclusive interview with the guy who did the music in the Overstrike trailer. Right after it was announced at E3. We were going to have an interview related to a game that had set the internet on fire! How is that coming along Bitterly? Still “Almost done”?

M. Rambler: So, Insomniac goes mutli-platform and multi-game… I hope they aren’t stretching themselves too thin. Bitterly and I can attest to trying to hit a deadline.

I think it’s time to bust out that dusty copy of Half-Life 2 sitting in your attic

GlowPuff: I was just thinking, how would I have reacted to something like this 10 years ago? Granted, the social tools back then weren’t like they are now, but just the idea of holding any kind of boycott or protest over a GAME? Ludicrous. But in today’s age? Reasonably understandable.

D.Conrad: Wait a moment! This won’t work!

M. Rambler: I don’t care if it doesn’t work. I’m too busy playing Half-Life 2 right now.

What’s a GFACE?

B. Indifferent: If this is anything like google plus, none of my friends will be using it and I’ll get bored and quit in less than 12 hours.

GlowPuff: I won’t be using this. The only “social network” I use is my little black book of names and numbers. That’s all I need. It doesn’t use batteries, and it can’t be hacked.

D.Conrad: No, I did not just sign up.

M. Rambler: Too late, you’ve all been GFACED!!! Deal with it.

New Releases: Final Fantasy XIII-2, Soul Calibur V, NeverDead, Double Fine Happy Action Theater

GlowPuff: I’m going to take a look at Soul Calibur V, if for no other reason than to find a use for my expensive Street Fighter premium joystick I never use anymore. Plus, I did enjoy previous SC games.

M. Rambler: Yeah, I’m pretty sure the new Soul Calibur will be making it into my catalog of titles sitting on my shelf waiting for me to finish Skyrim. And Double Fine Happy Action Theater… am I the only one who thinks its weird to see yourself popping ballons on TV when you’re not wearing any pants?

D.Conrad: I really want to play Final Fantasy XIII-2. I have spent too much time with western RPG’s lately. I need to see a 9 year old who lays out all their emotions ,in long drawn out dialogues, save the world. I am also thinking of picking up Neverdead next week– from the bargain bin.

B. Indifferent: The best part about Final Fantasy XIII-2 is how it’s going to be just like Farmville. I can’t wait for FF XIII-3, which should be some sort of Mafia Wars hybrid.

GlowPuff: I’m looking forward to my new chopper. Who knows how long customs will hold it before letting it through the barrier. Hopefully not too long. If I’m not in the office next week, it’s because my identity was stolen and I no longer exist.

B. Indifferent: I’ve got a big week ahead of me, meeting with a real estate agent to discuss some possible sites that could serve as DNF’s emergency “continuity of wisecracking” facility in the event of nuclear war or zombie mushroom attack. We don’t have it in our budget to actually afford a mortgage on any of the cooler places, but I don’t think that’ll be a problem since it’s tough to foreclose on a property at the end of the world.

D.Conrad: I could claim I am going to play games this week, but it would be a lie. We are getting ready for the twins’ first birthday. But if I do have some free time look for me tearing across New Vegas in my new car! Also, I would like to congradulate GlowPuff on the preview of his new game he just showed me. It is slick! Will it make Rambler regret his iPhone 4s once again? I’m pretty sure YES!

M. Rambler: Oh yeah, well at least my phone takes prettier pictures than yours… but yes, it is very sadmaking because I can’t play any of GlowPuff’s games. At least I get to watch videos of him flying choppers while watching Grosse Pointe Blank. And that about wraps it up. We’ll see you all next week when FTW turns 26!

About Tony Lorenzen

Tony Lorenzen, a.k.a. the Midnite Rambler, may just be a bad enough dude to rescue the president... but he's still no Snake Plissken.