Halloween is upon us, so welcome to an extra spooky edition of Finishing the Week! Umm… yeah, okay, so we really don’t have anything scary to talk about this week. Well, execpt for this issue I have with Donald and his complete lack of pants right now. Cripes man, you’re creeping me out. How many times do I have to tell you that your birthday suit is NOT a socially acceptable costume… could you at least put a sock on or something?
Whew, okay, with that out of the way, we can get on to business. Please welcome GlowPuff as a permanent member of the FTW team! He either decided he wanted in on the fun… or Donald is punishing him for some unknown reason. Either way, I’m glad to have him aboard!
Sadly, I have to report that we will be without Bitterly once again this week. Judging by all the fallen pineapple corpses and kiwi shurikens stuck in the wall, I can only assume he has chosen to continue his Fruit Ninja training. Good luck on getting your grape fruit roll-up belt, man! But don’t worry, we’ve got a few special guest contributors lined up in his absence.
Now let’s get this ball rolling. Donald, what have you been up to this week?
D.Conrad: It was quite a week for me. Not only did I finish Assassin’s Creed: Brotherhood, I also had my mind blown my Assassin’s Creed: Brotherhood. Besides that I landed two HUGE interviews for the site. Then I finished an awesome Xbox Live Independent Game! Also, I pinched a nerve in my back, it hurts!
Dr. Frankenstein: Why you poor young man. Just give my assistant, Igor, an hour to fetch a replacement spine and I can have you patched up in no time!
M. Rambler: Hey Doc, while you’re at it, could you find him a brain that doesn’t have such an aversion to pants?
Shambling Zombie: Brrrraaaaaaaaaains?
M. Rambler: Yes, that’s right Shambling. Brains. Would you shut up about brains already? I’m sick of you bringing them up all the time. Now get out of here, we have more important things to talk about.
M. Rambler: Was that story brought to us by Activision? And seriously Activision… listen up, everyone already knows you are going to win the sales battle here. Stop all this childish mudslinging and act like you’ve been there before.
GlowPuff: Wish I could say something funny here, but between this and the story that broke out of Norway about EA cherry-picking reviewers there, I’m disappointed. Why couldn’t they just let the game (which is good) shine on its own merits to all reviewers? Reminds me of how bad movies avoid early press previews, except this isn’t a bad game.
S. Zombie: BRRRAAAAAaaaaiiins!!!!
M. Rambler: Great point Shambling. You are so right, Battlefield is sorely lacking in zombies. Now quit gnawing at my skull and GO AWAY!!
GlowPuff: Am I the only one not excited about this news? I’ve never played a GTA game, and I doubt I’ll start with this one. I’d rather pick a pimple off my forehead.
D.Conrad: You are not the only one Glowpuff. After the mess that was GTA: IV I have no doubt that I won’t play GTA: V. That being said, It’s going to sell Buzillions of copies.
M. Rambler: Hey GlowPuff I’m sure Shambling could help out with that pimple problem of yours.
H. Horseman: ……
M. Rambler: What’s that Headless? Could you speak up a bit?
H. Horseman: ……
M. Rambler: Oh, for crying out loud, who invited this guy? Donald, that’s the last time I listen to you about guest speakers for this column.
D.Conrad: No it’s not.
D.Conrad: So… They now make less money than the entire combined income of the state of Michigan? Quick, someone get me a violin, I need to play them a sad sad song!
M. Rambler: You’re going to need a bigger violin… isn’t Nintendo putting out a new console next year? Don’t gaming companies bleed money the first few years of a console release?
GlowPuff: This is good news. I enjoy watching successful people fail a little bit. Time to take them down a notch and put ‘em in their place.
D.Conrad: I know what you are talking about! There is this mobile game creator, time he gets taken down a notch!
Dracula: Excuse me gentlemen, but did I hear someone mention something about blood earlier?
M. Rambler: Yes, that was me. Umm… so, Donald, could you hand me that Holy Waterballon Launcher over there?
Dracula: Wow, would look at the time. I just remembered an appointment I’m late for. Catch you guys later!
M. Rambler: As I see it, there are two distinct types of handheld gamers. The people who want a to experience playing a console game on the go, and the idiots who only play Angry Birds.
S. Squatch: Hey, buddy, I happen to love Angry Birds. Watch your mouth or I’ll snap it in two.
D.Conrad: I watched Wall-E on my phone the other day. I’m sure the next Pixar epic can be rendered on an iPad! No need for that old, “more powerful” desktop computer. The best part is that we can have this talk again when the Vita2 and 4DS come out!
GlowPuff: Can a PSP or DS enable me to answer my calls and incur a horrible monthly usage charge? No? Well there you go. My phone CAN do anything your handheld can do, and more.
S. Squatch: Speaking of monthly usage charges… hey Sprint, if you’re listening, would you mind expanding your cell service coverage? I get no bars at the office and when I go home to the cave I’m on roaming… my monthly bill is KILLING me!!!
M. Rambler: Someone needs to finally take a stand against that evil monster, George Lucas… Steven… GROW A SPINE ALREADY!!!
Dr. Frankenstein: Donald, so were you interested in that transplant or what? Igor just got back with that spine and if you don’t want it, well, it sounds like this Steven guy could use one.
GlowPuff: I don’t care whose idea it was to put in the fridge scene. It’s easier to blame Lucas, since he screwed up everything else that used to be Golden (looking at you, Star Wars Blu-Rays). Vader screaming “NOOOOooooo” sounds like he lost the final question in Jeopardy. Is that the same horrible audio clip they used at the end of Episode 3? Sure sounds like it. The screeching in the edited Obi Wan intro scene takes the crown from Dumb and Dumber as most annoying sound in the world. Oh wait, this was about Spielberg, aliens, and fridges. See what I mean? Much easier to blame Lucas. He should be drop kicked in the coin purse. Is this thing still on, ‘coz I can go on and…<click>
D.Conrad: I read this maybe six times before I came to one shocking conclusion. This is the guy who gave us AI. So he has the right to make bad movies! I think I’m still watching AI, it’s running on a tv in the other room. I started watching in 2001, I hope it ends soon. But as far as the refrigerator being his fault? No, the entire movie is his fault. He had the right to beat George to death with the script on what I imagine is several occasions.
T. Rex: RRRRRRWWwwaaaRRRWwwwrRRRGGGHHH!!!!
D.Conrad: Fair enough, I take that all back. Spielberg has never made a bad movie.
S. Zombie: Hooooooooooooooooooooook???
T. Rex: CHOMP!!!!
M. Rambler: Good, that Shambling guy was really starting to drive me nuts. You are right Rex. Hook was amazing!!!
GlowPuff: Interesting? No it’s not. Do you know why that game series always introduces characters from OTHER games? To add filler where their own creative minds went bankrupt. That’s right. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to finish redecorating my room in shabby chic.
L. Face: GlowPuff, you should come down to Texas sometime and check my place out. I’m developing a new decorating style called “rotting corpse”, and after that you could try some of my incredible homemade brisket. It’s to die for!
D.Conrad: OUCH! I just punched myself in the eye in an attempt to un-see that! Now my eye just hurts and I still remember the video. Why Soul Calibur Why? Is it because they just added awesome to the roster? Let’s try this again, Rambler punch me in the other eye!
M. Rambler: I would punch you right now, but I can’t see you. There was this chainsaw sitting on the floor over here and after watching that clip, I used it to gouge out BOTH of my eyeballs. Soul Calibur, I just wanted you to know… I am seriously thinking about unliking you on Facebook.
Well, that about wraps it up. I’ve wasted enough of your time and mine. I’ve got some leveling up to do in Battlefield 3…
Big thanks to all our special guests this week! We’ll see you next time for another fun filled installment of Finishing the Week.Tweet